Warning: There is a lot of PAIN in this book. This was first pointed out to me many years ago by a "Vanity" publisher. Reflecting on this today, I realize that he was absolutely correct.
Yet there is also a bit of humor within these pages.
But more importantly, what was my motivation for writing this novel?
Initially, I began this novel as an extension of a diary I kept when I suffered with "Night Terror" sleep disorder. However, the sleep disorder was closely associated with my journey to find my biological father. My father had been hospitalized for mental illness for over half his life. When I went to visit my father in a state hospital, it had been 21 years since I last saw him.
My father died of a heart attack, six months after my visit. I was the last person of my family and the siblings of his own immediate family to visit him. About two years after my father's death, I began to suffer with "Night Terror" sleep disorder. This lasted for five years. The sleep disorder had a devastating impact on my life. At one point, I did not feel that I would survive it --I felt certain a nervous breakdown was eminent. I kept the diary to keep my thoughts as objective as possible. I sought counseling at the VA hospital. I had two sessions with a white female Ph.d psychologist named Susan (Geometric figure-- her last name is synonymous with a well-known geometric figure). For some reason after my second session, Susan transferred me to a colleague-- a white male with a master's degree in either Sociology or Psychology. I inquired about the change. He told me "off the record", that Susan had made some very uncomplimentary statements about me. He would not give me specifics of what she said-- apparently, he did not agree with Susan--At least that was the impression.
Through the Freedom of Information Act, I got a copy of the comments of our two sessions. What immediately stood out was this: Susan stated I had a "dependent personality". However, there was nothing in the comments to support how she came to this conclusion. I recalled the last session: I asked Susan whether she believed in God. Somehow Susan seemed a bit perturbed with this question. Yet she did calmly answer: Very well then, I believe in a "force: She did not elaborate further.
So, I wondered whether Susan believed I was "dependent" on God-- Or perhaps was Susan also including herself, in view of the fact, I was coming to her for therapy and counseling-- thereby dependent on her as well.
Susan's statement to me which, seemed unwarranted and perhaps even racist, did actually make me reflect. We as humans, are all to some degree, dependent on each other.
One of the main characters in my novel is a female, white PhD psychologist. In a sense she is the anti- Susan. She actually gives a damn about her patients. I do not know where the "real" Susan is today-- alive or dead. If alive, she probably does not even recall me as one of her patients.
Susan's statement prompted me to observe: We as humans, are all to some degree dependent on each other. Some people more so than others. Globally, The U.S. has world debt that exceeds trillions of dollars. In some sense or another, we as humans are connected in our destinies. What do they tell doctors in medical school? "Do no harm"?
Teachers, doctors, Ph.D. psychologists can do a lot of good-- they can also do a lot of harm.
