A normal attitude of a child towards parents is to take the parents for granted – unless parents threaten to leave (or actually leave, because of divorce, illness or similar). An emotionally childish person will act in the same way towards an intimate partner.
A childish partner might expect you to behave like a perfect, idealized parent – to fulfill and even anticipate anything they might desire, while allowing them to do whatever they want regardless of your own desires and needs.
In the same time, they might vent at you all the anger and resentment they felt for their own parents, but didn’t feel safe to express to them. (It’s quite common to express our unresolved emotions from past towards people we feel safest with. Sometimes the target becomes the intimate partner – sometimes one’s own children.)
If you allow somebody to treat you as described above, you were probably raised not to trust yourself too much. Perhaps you were a child of an irresponsible person, so it became normal for you to take more responsibility than would normally belong to you. Or you grew up in a very healthy family and had so little experience with unreasonable people that you cannot imagine somebody who would behave in such selfish ways without a good reason.
This book is for those of you who already tried your best many times and were met with pain and disappointment. This is a book for those who know in their hearts that their current relationships are not healthy for them, but still feel bonded. We will explore where your attraction and your bonds come from, how to resolve them and how to support yourself through the crisis of separation.
